Posts Tagged ‘Satire’

Microsoft OBS

by Tara Cohen

Microsoft announced today the release of their latest version of the Windows operating system, Windows OBS. OBS, which stands for Obsolete Before Sale, is widely considered to be the first operating system ever introduced that will be completely inoperable by the time it is installed on hard drives.

Consumers lined the streets in front of computer stores and other retailers this morning, many camping out overnight in hopes of being among the first to try OBS. “I just can’t wait to get mine! OBS is the newest thing! If you want to make it in this economy, you have to be up-to-date on all the cutting edge technology,” said Clarissa M. Goldsthwait, a technology student at the University of Michigan. According to Norman T. Jerbers, an Information Technology Specialist in the Detroit metro area, “Previous to the release of OBS, we computer techs had to wait months for an operating system to become obsolete. Now, the waiting is over! We can begin uploading pirated drivers and illegal software patches as soon as the hard drive comes out of the box! Now that’s efficiency!”

Microsoft founder Bill Gates held a press conference yesterday regarding the release of OBS. Said Gates, “For many years now, people have complained that their operating software was out of date within several months of release. Now, they can have completely obsolete software from the moment they purchase a computer. We at Microsoft are committed to finding the most expedient way of outdating software. After all, that’s what drives our business.”

OBS supplants Windows RE2M, or Replace Every Two Months, as the latest Windows operating system available for both home and office use. It is available only as a pre-installed operating system and backup disks are sold separately. For information on Windows OBS, you can log on to http://www.microsoft-obs.com, but Microsoft sources indicate that you must have OBS installed on your system in order for the site to load. Attempts to log on without OBS installed will result in a complete reformat of your system.

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