This week, I began guest blogging for Momnificent!, an outstanding site and business run by Family Success Specialist and Life Coach, Lori Radun. I’ll be posting about life as a special-needs parent on Lori’s blog once a month for now, and I’ll share links here.
Here’s an excerpt of this week’s post. Follow the link at the end to read the rest at Momnificent.com!
I Am Alice
When my son Will, my baby, my first-born, was diagnosed with autism at 22 months, I felt as if the ground had opened up and swallowed us whole. I felt we’d been shoved, head first, into this bottomless abyss and were in a slow-motion free fall that might never end. And then, on the other hand, I wasn’t sure I wanted it to end, wasn’t sure I wanted to know where rock bottom actually was, because surely this moment, this panic, this grief had to be rock bottom. Surely it couldn’t be worse. But in the days and weeks that followed, I found that it could be worse, and still we were in a free fall.
In those first months, pregnant with my daughter and reeling from Will’s diagnosis, floating from doctor’s offices to therapy centers to support groups, I watched the world move around me like Alice flying downward through the rabbit hole. How did we get here? Where IS here? How did I not know this whole alternate existence was right beneath my feet? When and how will we go home? Only Alice wasn’t 8 months pregnant with a two-year-old on her hip and she careened downward to Wonderland. And there was no chance I was going to suddenly wake up.
Eventually, and I really couldn’t tell you how long it took, I stopped falling. I started to find level ground. I gained my footing in this strange new landscape that had suddenly become my life. I realized I wasn’t actually in an abyss, hadn’t fallen down the rabbit hole, and actually could wake up from this nightmare to some degree. True, I couldn’t change the fact that Will has autism, but I could change one thing: how I responded to the situation.